What to Do When a Child Lies

I'm experiencing the challenge of dealing with a pattern of lying with a 4 year old. I understand that at age 4, most children begin to experiment with lying. In any period of rapid learning, a child's imagination serves a vital function. In his fantasy life, he can explore the ideas he is developing. In fantasy is safety. The main challenge I have as the adult is to control my over reaction. I have been taught as a child that lying is wrong and can still remember some of the consequences. Now that I'm more knowledgeable about the developmental stages of young children, I am more sensitive to the issue.

I try to understand the circumstances that led to the episode. Trust the child to mean well, and try to understand his reasons for lying. I then try and help him understand them too by asking questions and restating his answers for clarity and helping him to understand what's fact and what is fiction.

I don't corner the child or overreact. Conscience at this age is just emerging: guilt comes after the act and in response to the recognition of disapproval. The long-term goal is to help the child incorporate a conscience. According to T.Berry Brazelton, requirements that are too rigid, or consequences that are too severe, may end up with one of three results:

(1) a conscience that is too rigid and relentless
(2) fierce rebellion that makes the child seem amoral, or
(3) compulsive repetition of lying.

He also, states, when lying is repeated again and again, becoming more and more insidious and less related to reality or understandable, we are probably putting too much pressure on the child.